What Dreams Truly Mean for Me

Image © Abby Porter

I always ponder and pause whenever people ask me what my dreams are, because sure, I'd like to get a house, a nice car, 2 kids and a comfortable lifestyle. But being able to have all those someday doesn't truly define what dreams are for me. It’s like setting a limit to my happiness and the purpose I serve in this world. That the moment I have these things, I will have all I’ve ever dreamed of, and life’s all well and good.

Dreams for me, never stop. Because if you base it only on certain things and pure wins, you're setting a standard on what and how your dreams should be, which also affects how you’d want to live your life based on the dreams you’ve set and ironically defines the meaning of “wins” and “losses” in your life.

Basing your dreams, purpose and happiness on other people and other things is like trying to drive a car with someone else on the driver’s seat. You can never take full control, you can never know what’s going to happen because that is them, and not you.

There is nothing constant in this world but change, there is an end to everything. The source of purpose, dreams and happiness should only start within you, the only person you can have control of.

And as I reflect on it, I would say, that my dream is to be able to share my talents and serve a purpose in this world. To be able to do the things I’m capable of that do not only bring me joy but can also touch other people's hearts in a meaningful way. To do something I’m passionate about, something I truly love and be able to celebrate life as it is in every waking moment with the people that I love and with things that truly matter.

I know I will continue to lose along the way and continue to gain at the same time, but that makes life just even more precious. Every single thing serves a purpose, a reason. Every moment is a chance, a win, even on times you feel like losing.

Life is too beautiful. And my dream happens every day, the moment I wake up, living every single moment as I exist. Being able to experience life in all its forms. Dreaming and living at the same time.

Finding Your Own Healing

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The past year has been truly transformative for most of us, I continue to look back at it with gratitude because of all the things it had taught me and how it managed to heal me in a lot of aspects in my life. It has clearly defined what it means by getting out of your comfort zone, and it was all so worth it.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to know myself as much as I did last year. Learning how to cope up with loneliness, a broken heart, fears about the future, doubts about my skills, my purpose and so much more. It was a constant battle each day trying to be positive when a lot of things continue to disappoint. I wanted to be grateful, to be optimistic and strong so much that I created my own tensions.

And that’s when I started to embrace everything as it is, allowing myself to absorb thoughts and emotions as they come and go and just reminding myself that they are valid. That whatever it is that’s been keeping me down is there and that’s okay.

I learned to be more present and started creating small good habits each day that can contribute to my own healing. Simple things that I can run to whenever I feel overwhelmed about life. Simple things that are often overlooked just because we are too busy trying to live, and forgetting what is there to live for.

I started making small good habits for my own healing such as reading books every morning, not just as a form of gathering insights but as a way to calm my mind. I got into journaling, and it has become my bittersweet escape and my personal platform to just release and let go of thoughts and emotions that have been filling me. I learned to include meditation as part of my everyday routine and it’s been a powerful tool for my mental state.

It has taught me to be more present, to be able to feel and absorb what’s in the moment, to filter down my thoughts and to just embrace the nothingness. To pay attention to each sound, light, breathing and noise around me and still remain to be at peace. I’ve never been more connected to myself each time.

It has helped me to let go every now and then, to face situations with full presence, to enjoy the little things, and to have the comfort of knowing that I can always connect back to myself when everything else starts to become too much.

These aren’t big things but small changes I started to adapt for my own healing, for my own growth. It’s an endless journey of changing, surrendering and learning. These changes I created based on my own needs and level of connection, for it is only you who can determine what’s going to heal you and how you’re going to do it.

And I hope that in the middle of all these, you keep going, and eventually you find your own healing.

Starting All Over Again

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I can’t wait to start over.

And I mean not to forget about things but to keep them, and then move forward. To hold again without worrying that it doesn’t fall short or that it doesn’t grip hard enough. Without making sure someone has to hold tightly as I do or to feel the same just as much. Because by then I’ll know that holding someone’s heart doesn’t have to feel as though you are meant to keep things great, and happy, and altogether.

I can’t wait to start all over again. And I mean, to continue hurting but without feeling as though you aren’t good enough. To make space for mistakes just so to allow learnings and growth. To look forward and to look back just because they both mean so much as to what is here now.

I want to fall inlove on my own. And not just because of some grand gestures, sweet nothings and warmth.

To allow myself to space out, be inlove with all that there is and all that there is none. To me, with what I do, with how I feel and all the days I keep rewinding thoughts in my head. Over and over, recounting every detail just to know the truth.

Because the only truth there is, is you.

How every little thing touches your heart or what tomorrow means like for you. What your dreams are made of or how you want love to touch you all over again. Because there’s no other way to know but to hold on to your truth, and that’s why it’s so beautiful.

Because your truth allows you to start over again.

To set a different meaning this time, to allow your heart to look in a different direction, to stare at people’s eyes a little bit longer. To cry and laugh without the rush, to treasure the meaning of every words that come across you.

To fall inlove without needing to say the word. To feel alive with every page and to travel to every place without having to set foot.

To start, all over again.